Dear Diary, I don't love him
by xXxhardcorexXxsXe
Summary: Sango is engaged to Miroku, but her heart has always belonged to Inuyasha. She tries to get away and go with Inuyasha, but what will Miroku find everything out? Maybe Sango just needs time.
1. Confusion

**Disclaimer:I don't own anything.**

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Chapter 1: Confusion

_Dear Diary,_

_I had just gotten you, and this is my first time ever writing down what I'm all about. The reason for writing everything is because my therapist said that If I wrote everything down in my past, it wouldn't come out to haunt me anymore. Hopefully this is true._

_All throughout my childhood I was taught to uphold my families business. To keep the museum that had all of Japan's finest memories under control. To keep watch of it, make sure everything was right. She saw all her ancestors in that museum, her family never moved away from their homelands. Even when it was destroyed, and most of the villagers either died or fled, there was still one villager who stayed. Remaking the whole entire village, though her name, and body was never discovered, her virtue is still carried on. _

_I was always the child who stayed away from all the other kids. Always avoiding everyone and trying to make nice to the ones who would come up to me. My mother had died when I was six, and from then on, I was pretty much a mute till I turned 11. My brother asked me why I never talked, and I answered him. From then on, he kept me smiling and talking. He became my world._

_I then started junior high. I still was the awkward child, the one with the smarts, wasn't good looking, and enjoyed myself with my own thoughts. Always succeeding in whatever I was trying to overcome. Being student body president even back then was a wonderful accomplishment to my father and brother. That's all I wanted to do, was make them happy._

_Then high school started, and my father passed away. It was a devastating process for me to go through. Kohaku couldn't remember our mother, so It didn't affect him, but for both of my parents to have passed away. I thought I was just about to pretty much die. He had died in a car accident, due to another drunk driver. I have made a vow to myself, never to drink. That's a vow I shall never break._

_My brother and I were in an orphanage for two years. Before any adults wanted to choose us, for we didn't want to be separated. A very nice, decent couple adopted us, and I thought for once in the last two years that things might come out to be decent. We hadn't even lived there a week and my foster father started to molest me. Doing some very sick and unnatural things to me, as well as starting to beat my brother._

_Six months later, my brother was in intensive care. My foster father had pushed out of a window on the second floor, and my brother had hit his head. He was in a comma for three and a half months, and during those months, it was hell. I had to deal with the molestation and abuse. Then my brother died, he had a blood clot in his brain, and that's when I knew everything needed to stop. One night my foster father decided to touch me once again and I came at him with a knife. Calling the cops, and they showed up. I told the cops everything I possibly could. Showing them the bruises on my body. _

_My foster mother never knew the entire time, and I never blamed anything upon her. Now my foster is in jail for the next fifteen years. After that I was sixteen, the cops said if I was able to find a stable job, and find an affordable place I would be able to live on my own without having to go back into an orphanage._

_It took me three weeks before I had a stable job, and not even a few days later a girl who worked with me asked me if I needed a place to stay. I gladly accepted the offer. I stayed in school, becoming more open, I had gotten myself two best friends and a boyfriend named Miroku. Me and him spent the rest of our high school days together._

_Going to homecoming, prom, having to take exams, so many memories that included us three. My best friend that was a girl was Kagome, a very smart, girl who made me forget about all my worries. Reminded me a lot of my mother sometimes, and I love spending all my time with her. Actually we have been friends now for six years, same as my other best friend. His name is Inuyasha, I met him by bumping into him, me and his cursing each other at the top of our lungs and then when we both looked at one another we stopped. And then we said our apologies and things went great from there. And for the lecherous boyfriend, well he randomly came up to me on his first day of school. Grabbing my butt and asking if we could go out, I smacked him across the face. Then weeks later he said he was sorry and would like to introduce himself with more manners. After that I said I would give him a chance, but if he screwed it up, it would be the end of everything._

_The girl who I had been living with decided that she needed to get out of Japan and moved to America leaving everything behind. At first I didn't know how I was going to be able to afford the place, and all the utility bills upon that, but she left enough money for me to be able to last a year by myself, without me having to pay for anything. So all the money I had, I went out and bought me a cheap old car that could get me places that I needed to be._

_I graduated high school with honors, with the three most important people I could ever imagine. We all went out separate ways, but all keeping contact with one another. I graduated college, and so did Inuyasha. For Miroku, he is upholding his families temple, same as Kagome. I have became cultural anthropologist, I've pretty much have traveled to almost every country in the last year, writing books about the kind of people I see._

_Kagome and I still keep in contact quite often. Writing e-mails back and forth. Telling about the excitement in each others life. Right now she is married to Koga, and they have a little one on the way. Just heard the good news 2 weeks ago._

_As for Inuyasha, we call each other frequently. He's some vice president of some big shot company that I can never remember the name to. He has a girlfriend, some hot super model, but it seems like he has a new girlfriend every week. I guess he's just scared of commitment._

_As for Miroku, well he's my fiancé. I never thought that I could uphold a relationship so long. Me and him have been together for so long, it seems like I have known him forever, well it pretty much has been._

_Though I'm engaged, I don't want to be with him. I fell in love with him a long time ago, but he's still just as flirtatious as he was back when I met him in high school. But at the same time, I had a crush back then, the same one I have till this day. Actually it has developed more then just a crush, Im in love with somebody else then Miroku. Me and Miroku's flame burnt out about six months ago, him trying to regain himself, he decided to propose to me then, hoping matters would get better. It hasn't though. Just makes every night sleeping next to him even more awkward. You can tell that he's still madly in love with me, and that's why I seem to not be able to leave him. _

_I want to make things work between me and him, because he's the only person that I've ever been with. He's the only person…no, Inuyasha has shown me a lot as well. _

_Matter of a fact, Inuyasha is the guy that I'm in love with._

"Sango?"

Sango quickly closed her diary, and putting it inside her drawer, with her pen. Deciding to get up and see what Miroku wanted, she walked out of her bedroom, into the living room.

"Close your eyes before you come in here!" Miroku exclaimed, he could hear her footsteps.

Sango obeyed his wished, and closed her eyes. She could feel him behind her, enclosing his hands over her eyes, making sure she wouldn't be able to peak. He then guided her into the next room.

"Look," he said while taking his hands away.

Sango then saw a cute little golden retriever on the floor. It was only a puppy, and it was running around in circles trying to bite its own tale. Sango smiled a little, trying to act happy. Why had he done this for her?

"So what do you think?" Miroku asked, coming over towards sango, putting his hands around her waist.

"Well, I think its cute. Thank you." She said while tugging away and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

She was actually truly upset. She didn't want a puppy, she didn't want anything from him. She just wanted to be alone. She just needed to get away.

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**Hoped you enjoyed it**

**pleas review!**


	2. Accepting

Dislaimer:I dont own anything.

Chapter 2: Accepting

She looked at him strangely, never losing eye contact. She gave him an awkward smile and left the room. Walking back into her bedroom, making sure that he drawer was closed completely and going into her closet. It was still early in the morning and she had her entire day filled. Kagome, was in town for only that day, and they had some serious catching up to do.

Sango picked a pair of blue jeans, and a simple white tank top out of her closet and set them on the bathroom counter. She started the water, so the bathtub could fill. Closing the door, she started to slip off her clothes. Getting into the water slowly, due to the hot water. As soon as she fully got in, she slid down, with a relief sigh.

What was she going to do? She felt like a prisoner in this place. She felt like she didn't even have the right to breathe, and when she did, she felt suffocated. She knew saying yes to Miroku was wrong, and that was just leading him on. But she hoped for a better light, something to come along the road. Nothing did, she was stuck.

She was thinking about all the things they still needed to arrange. The wedding was only a few more weeks away, and she was going to be marrying him. Was she ruining her whole entire life by being nice? She was always hurt in her life, so she promised herself that she would never hurt anybody else, but if it's hurting herself didn't she have a right to just end everything?

She gulped a good amount of air, and slid her head underneath the water. Listening to it, calming herself down. She stayed underneath there for a good 30 seconds, coming back up for air, she looked over, and there he was again.

"Hey hunny, are you okay?" Miroku asked, while standing at the door.

Sango covered herself up quickly. He had seen her naked before, but she felt uncomfortable with him now. She gave him a fake smile.

"Of course, I'll be out in a few minutes." She said, while Miroku closed the door, and went back to his things.

Sango wanted to scream, she couldn't even get rid of him while she was in the bathtub. She knew that she had to get away, or just break things right then and there. But she thought she would talk things over with Kagome first before she does something she might regret.

Sango got out, and dried herself off. Looking in the mirror at her body, she felt ugly. She quickly put her clothes on and tied her hair in a low ponytail. She looked normal, and natural without any makeup on. She despised makeup, only wearing in very special occasions, other then that there was no need.

Sango got into her blue corvette, she had already fully paid everything on it, and this was a true beauty. She drove down to the nearest Starbucks; getting herself a latte and waiting for Kagome to arrive. This was where she had stopped growing. The old wives tale say that if you drink coffee it makes you stop growing, well Sango believed this since she was sixteen for when she started to come here, that's when she stopped. S

She looked through the window that was in front of her, sipping on her drink. Then she saw her best friend, walking toward the entrance. A smile grew on her face, and then she came inside. Kagome taking off her sunglasses glancing around looking for her friend. Then Sango got up greeting her.

"It's been forever," Sango said while hugging her friend.

"Tell me about it," Kagome said while returning it.

They both sat down at the table where Sango's drink stood. Sango and Kagome just smiled at one another in awe. It had been a few months that they had saw one another, and just to see how much someone can change in such a short amount of time.

"So what have you been up to?" Sango asked with excitement in her voice. They did talk to each other on the phone frequently but to be in person, it made things so much better.

"Well I haven't really done much, me and Kouga have been celebrating quite a lot. I can't believe that I'm actually pregnant. I'm quite happy about everything. I've been working my butt off though lately. I'm almost a manager of my own store, and I seriously can't wait. I guess I have a lot going for me right now." Kagome said with a huge smile on her face.

Sango was happy for her best friend. Was actually very happy, she just wished she had just as much luck as her friend did. Of course she had an amazing job that she loved to death. Other then that, she never thought of anything else being any better. She just knew that what she had, she needed to get rid of.

Kagome looked at Sango, her smile turning into a frown. She knew her best friend wasn't happy at all.

"Is there something wrong with you and Miroku?" Kagome asked, reaching out her hand and holding onto Sango's.

"Yes, everything is wrong. Can I tell you something?" Sango starting to bite on her lower lip, it was one of her many nervous habits.

Sango then started to tell her friend everything. Everything from the good to the bad in her relationship, then it became confession time. She needed to tell her about Inuyasha. She then remembered when those two used to go out. They thought they were made for one another, till they started to argue all the time, and then I thought they would stop being friends. In the end they broke up, and became stronger friends. She wondered if Kagome still might have feelings for Inuyasha.

"Kagome, I think I'm in love with Inuyasha," Sango wincing with those words slipping threw her lips. She didn't know how her friend would react to this kind of thing.

Kagome smiled, and started to giggle. Sango just stared at her, not knowing what to do.

"I knew it! I knew it all along. Whenever Inuyasha would get a new girlfriend you would get jealous, or telling him how it was stupid and things never would work. You were always near him, no wonder why you would develop such feelings for him." Kagome jumped up and went to order herself something.

Sango just sat there, not knowing what to say exactly. She was happy that her best friend took the news so well, but would she ever be able to tell Inuyasha? Kagome came back with two lattes in her hand. Sango just sat there in joy, same as Kagome.

Hours flew by and the two caught up on more things then they thought they would ever be able to do. It was around five in the afternoon, and Kagome knew that she needed to start heading back to her hotel. She would be leaving that evening.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, we're moving back out here. Me and Kouga, we'll be getting a bigger place so the baby will have its own room. And I already have a store arranged out here for me to own." Kagome said with excitement, while getting out of her now smashed in seat.

Sango smiled and gave Kagome a big hug.

"That's great to hear. Take care of you and that baby of yours," Sango saying while rubbing Kagome's stomach. Kagome just giggled, and then left. Sango sat there for a few more minutes, finishing her drink and leaving. She got into her car, turning on the radio, and singing along to the song that played.

She reached home, and she noticed that Miroku's car wasn't there. She parked her car, smiling inside and out. That meant he would be out late that night with the guys, giving her some freedom. She went inside locking the door immediately after entering. She didn't like the feeling of being vulnerable while being by herself.

She went into her kitchen, contemplating on what she was going to make herself. She checked all the cabinets that usually contained food, and they were all bare. Opening the refrigerator, only a quarter of milk sat in its container, for the rest of the refrigerator laid bare. She just shook her head in disagreement. She disliked the fact that there wasn't any food in her own house. How was she supposed to eat? She was going to go grocery shopping tomorrow, getting the things that she liked, she didn't care if Miroku disapproved or not.

She went to go find her phone, for it hadn't been on the receiver, she pushed the page button, hoping she could hear it. She listened to the beeping sound for three minutes before finding it, swooshed in the couch's cushions. She called Chinese service, and ordered her some chicken fried rice. She knew that she couldn't eat an entire pizza by herself, and who knew when Miroku was going to get back. Then when putting the phone where it rightfully belonged, she noticed she had a message. She pushed the button, listening to it intently.

"_Hey there Sango, Miroku! This is Inuyasha, just dropping a call to see how you two love birds are doing. As soon as one of you gets a chance call me back. Peace."_

She smiled, but felt hurt. No way Inuyasha could possibly have feelings for her in any kind of way. She then picked up the phone, dialing Inuyasha's number.

**Well theres the second chapter. I hope you guys enjoyed. Please review.**


	3. Leaving

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

Chapter 3: Leaving

She listened while the phone rang, she counted inside her head. Five rings, that meant that he wasn't going to answer. 1, 2, 3, 4,… he answered. She cursed underneath her breathe, she thought she would be able just to leave a real quick message, and not even think about it. She inhaled a great amount of air, hoping that this conversation would be short and simple.

"Hey there!" Inuyasha said while answering.

She then exhaled, "Hey Inuyasha, how have you been?"

That's how their conversation started. Never did they know, that this was going to be one of their longest conversations since high school ended. Inuyasha talked about how he had broken up with his girlfriend, and was pursuing another. How his business had grown, and might be moving up. He just pretty much talked about everything, about his present life. Sango told him that she had seen Kagome earlier that day, how she had just gotten a puppy, which looked like it was about to go pee next to the television, and told him how she was just pretty much tired of everything.

He started to tell her how everything in the end would be fine, and everything would work out perfectly. How everything had always been perfect between the four, and things were going to be alright. She just thought about it, nothing would be right, unless she had him, which that could never happen.

Minutes turned into hours, her Chinese food had arrived, she had eaten it; she had put the puppy outside on a leash, tying it to something sturdy and letting the pup run around. She just giggled, and went back to her conversation on the phone.

Before she knew it, it was 2 a.m. Miroku stumbling inside the place, seeing that she was on the phone. He just smiled and lied on the couch next to her. Placing hot kisses on her shoulder blade. She smelt the alcohol that lingered from his lips; disgusting. She was still on the phone with Inuyasha.

"Can you hold on real quick?" She said into the phone. Inuyasha agreed, and she set down the phone. She tried to get Miroku to stand up, she needed him to get into the bed.

"Will you please get up for me?" She asked nicely, while rubbing his hand. Just because she wasn't in love with him anymore, didn't mean that she didn't care about him. He was still one of the most important people in her life, and she wasn't just going to let him lay there.

She was able to talk him into getting up, and walking to the bedroom. Sango quickly picked up the phone telling Inuyasha it would be a few minutes, and he agreed to wait till she got back onto the phone. Sango took off Miroku's shirt and pants; it would be highly uncomfortable for him to sleep that way. She went into the bathroom picking up the trash can, and setting it next to Miroku. She didn't need vomit everywhere.

"Sweetie, the trash can is right here," Sango said pointing to it. Miroku just stared at him, as if he was a foreigner and couldn't speak English. She just laughed, and tucked him. Staring into his almost violet eyes, she moved the stray hairs away from him face. She gave him a kiss on the cheek, and she was about to leave till he grabbed her hand.

"I truly love you Sango my dear, I hope there is going to be a wonderful future for the two of us," and he let go. His eyelids falling down and his light snore started. She walked out of the room with tears in his eyes, and she got back on the phone with the patiently waiting Inuyasha.

"What's wrong?" He asked. Sango bit her lip, a single tear rolled down the side of her cheek.

"Nothing, sorry, so Miroku is now in bed." She said, trying to make her sound happy once again, but she knew she wouldn't be. She knew that by living this lie she would never truly be able to be happy ever again. Their conversation quickly went down hill and she decided that she was going to get off the phone. She said her goodbye, and lied on the couch staring at the phone. She needed to just let everything go, get away and try to be happy.

She cried herself to sleep that night, on the couch, clutching the phone in her hands.

Before she knew it, she was awoken by her new puppy licking her face. She shooed it away, trying to make it stop. It refused, and jumped on top of her body. She looked at the clock, it was 10. She slept her morning away, her favorite part of the day. The dog ran in circles on top of her body. Not trying to be mean or abusive, she pushed the dog up and walked into the bedroom. There lied Miroku, still asleep; she knew he was going to lose his job for being late so often.

That's something she loved about her job. She didn't have to wake up early every day. The office would call her whenever they needed her to go to a new place, and she would stay there and do what she needed to do till she was done and got enough research to write about it. She loved her job dearly, and she was happy that there weren't any new assignments; and there was going to be for another few weeks since she had just gotten back from Iceland.

She went into the bedroom, and looked at the sleeping man in her bed. She didn't know how to make it, so that she wouldn't be able to break his heart, but she guess it was going to have to happen sooner or later. She went into the kitchen, writing on a notepad writing that she was going to be at the store and she'll be home later. She also brought to aspirin and a cup of water for his hangover. She took all the things to the nightstand next the bed, where he slept and she kissed his forehead.

She left to go to the store, she needed food, and food was her comfort. She first stopped at a McDonalds, getting a fruit salad, and driving on towards the grocery store. She got a cart, looking at everybody around that was staring at her. She then realized that she had came to the store with her pajama's on once again, she just laughed at herself, so what if she was an adult in her pajama's at the store? She really didn't care.

She quickly went and got her some sushi for that afternoon, got her some ramen, chicken, stuff that she liked to eat. She went and checked out, and left. She went back home. Parking her car, and taking out her groceries she went inside. She closed the door behind her. Silence. She sat all the bags on top of the kitchen counter, she heard nothing, it was complete and utter silence. No rustling of the sheets, no heavy breathing, that meant he had left. She once again felt alone.

She put a cup of noodle with some water inside the microwave, and sat on the couch turning onto some soap opera's. This is what her days alone pertained to. She didn't have many friends around and most were guys that Miroku didn't approve of. The show didn't keep her interested more then a few seconds before she started to channel surf. Nothing interesting was on television. She curled up into another ball and waited only about another minute before the microwave started to beep.

She ate her noodle in silence, and it started to get to her. She wanted to be about people who were full of life. People who made her happy. Was that even possible anymore? She just needed to get away, and she decided she would.

She went into her bedroom, taking the suitcase that lied beneath her bed, and put on top of the bed. Opening it, making sure nothing was in there. She went into her closet and took out about a weeks worth of clothes. Going into her drawers and getting some more clothes. She went inside her bathroom getting things that she needed and when she was finally packed she saw that she didn't know where she was going. But she didn't mind at all. She took her cell phone charger and put it in her purse. Making sure her phone was off; she knew Miroku would be calling her about a million times as soon as he came home.

She started to leave him a note, saying that she had to go out and do some things at work and she would return in a week or so. She knew it was a lie, but it was the best one she could come up with in such short notice, and she couldn't have just wrote; I'm leaving, don't know where, be back soon. So this was the easiest way.

She carried her luggage out of her house and put it in her car. She went back into her house making sure she got everything she needed, and locked the door. She whispered a goodbye and left. She got inside her car, letting it take her wherever she needed.

She drove for hours, stopping at gas stations and Starbucks along the way. It grew dark quickly and she didn't realize how far she had driven and how long she really had gone. She looked at a sign; the next town is where Inuyasha lives in. She thought about it; and she decided that she would go see him.

A few more miles later, she took the exit, looking at the scenery. She knew how to get to Inuyasha's for she had visited him once, and she didn't think any of it. It was just going to be a visit for a few hours, and she would leave and find a motel that night. Then leave once again in the morning. She kept on driving for a few more minutes before turning into his drive way.

She walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell. Then she realized what she was doing. He was going to think that she was crazy, which was entirely true right then. She was about to walk back to her car and drive away, but then Inuyasha had opened the door, looking at her with a huge smile on his face.

"What are you doing here?" Inuyasha asked, putting her hand on the door and leaning on the wall.

"I was just in the neighborhood and I thought of coming and saying hi and was seeing if you were busy or not. If you are, ill just go to the motel now," She said while starting to walk back to her car.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, not letting her walk any further. She looked back at his face, which lit up so well with his lovely eyes. He smiled and a smile started to grow upon her own face.

"I'm not busy, come in and have a few drinks with me," He took her hand and led her inside. She looked at his house in awe. She loved the way he had decorated it, and she couldn't believe he had done everything on his own. He led her into the kitchen, and he pointed to the chairs that were behind the counter. She went over and sat down, while Inuyasha went into his fridge bringing out two Smirnoff's. She shook her head in disagreement. She wasn't going to drink anything. She made a vow; she couldn't just break it like that. He put one back inside the fridge, and sitting next to her.

They sat there for a while, just talking. Her heart beating faster every time he would give her one of those smiles, or if he touched her. She thought she might die of ecstasy, she was just so happy.

Hours flew by, and she just giggled, she could never have these kind of conversations with Miroku. Never did, never will, and maybe that's what went wrong. There was just no way of communicating with him, unless he was completely plastered. She just laughed and shook her head, and Inuyasha looked at her strangely. He had said anything for her to do these motions, and she was just doing them out of no where.

"So, how are you and Miroku," Inuyasha finally said it. It was the fist time he had brought Miroku up. The first time in the longest time, and Sango didn't know if she was going to lie or tell him the truth.

"We're… its horrible. I can't stand being near him, and that's why I left. I loved him so long ago, but now I want something more, something real." She said, she looked at the ground while she let it out. She couldn't look into Inuyasha's face, because by her eyes she would have told him the entire truth. About who she really did love.

They soon went into the living room, talking some more about how things had been, but soon Inuyasha needed another Smirnoff. He got up, leaving Sango where she sat. He returned not even minutes later, and there she lied, sprawled over the couch. She was asleep, and he smiled. He went into the hall closet and bringing out a blanket, and put it over her. He looked at her, with every emotion and feeling in his eyes, and kissed her cheek goodnight.

**(Thanks for reading, please review. And thank you to all the people who have reviewed the other chapters already.)**


	4. The Longest Wait

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything**

Chapter four: The longest wait.

She woke up looking around the place. She didn't recognize where she was, until she sat up. She opened her mouth, letting a yawn escape her mouth, while raising her arms high above her head, stretching out her muscles. She didn't even remember going to sleep at all, looking around, Inuyasha wasn't anywhere to be in sight in the living room. She got up, finding her shoes, and going outside. She wished she lived here, green grass was all around, pine trees standing tall. She admired how everything looked so peaceful yet so strong. She went into the trunk of her car, bringing out her suitcase and closing her trunk once more. She stared at the scenery while rolling it up to Inuyasha's door.

She went back inside bringing her things along with her. Reaching the bathroom door, and setting her stuff inside the tiny room. She looked down the corridors, making sure that he was still asleep she shut the door quietly, and locking it. She knew that Inuyasha would never even try to come inside, but just in case if someone dared to come inside, she was already prepared.

She started the water, letting the cold water run on her hands. She turned the faucet, turning it to hotter water, and letting it start to burn her shin. She turned it a little more, then starting the shower. She took off her clothes, and slowly getting inside. She just stood there, letting the water run upon her, smiling. She knew that she was enjoying being around him; for once she was happy.

She washed up and quickly got out. The steam was starting to get to her. She put on a pair of sweats and a tank top, and putting her hair inside the wrapped towel and left the bathroom. She went inside the kitchen; still it was silent. She got herself out a banana, unraveled it and took a bite out of it. While chewing she heard a loud bang and a shout coming from the hallway. She ran, and found Inuyasha on the bathroom floor. She reached for his hand and helped him up. He clutched his back, and she helped him walk into the living room and sat him on the couch.

"What happened?" She said with worry in her eyes.

"Well I slipped on the water, and fell, simple as that," he said with a little smirk. He knew that he was purposely trying to get her to feel bad.. She sat next to him, starting to rub his shoulders, and back. He then motioned for her to stop, she looked like she was about to cry.

He grabbed her hand, looking into one another's eyes and just gazed into them, until Sango looked down and took back her hand. She blushed wildly while he look in the other direction. He couldn't let her see, he just couldn't.

"I'm really sorry," she said while getting up and starting to walk off back inside the bathroom, and he just watched he walk. He didn't know what to do. She put all the things that lied on the counters and the floor inside her suitcase, trying not to think of his face, his soft hands, his touch, the warmth. A smile formed on her face, and then it turned into a frown, she knew that she couldn't stay there again that night.

She put her things inside the trunk of her car; Inuyasha kept on asking her to stay. She couldn't, she wanted him to much. Just to be in his presence had already made her feel so happy, but when she remembered he didn't have feelings back for her, awkwardness would form, and nothing could stop that feeling.

She got inside the drivers seat, and he stood there, with a frown upon his face, he didn't want her to go. He had been lonely, always had been lonely but he felt so alive when she was around. He felt like he was a teenager once again, he felt most alive. She was about to close the door, but he grabbed it before it did. She looked at him, one eyebrow going up. He chuckled, he loved how she could do that.

"Well since you're leaving, come to dinner with me tonight," He said, hoping she would say yes, and Sango just sat there giving an approving smile, yet not saying anything. She thought to herself; was this a date, or was it just a getting together? How she had longed for a date, something she hadn't done in years. Something new and exciting; especially with him.

He let go of her door, and she packed out of his driveway, she rolled down her window when she got onto the street yelling out , "I'll call you later and you can tell me where and when," she said without giving him a chance to respond, for she had already been down the street. He just smiled and shook his head, he knew that while she stayed, things were going to be different.

She drove to the furthest motel away. She got a bedroom, for the next couple of nights. Taking her luggage up to her bedroom, and turned on her cell phone. She dreaded to see how many messages she had from Miroku. He must be furious, and freaking out, but in so many ways she didn't care.

Her phone beeped and flashed something, she looked down at it, eight-teen missed calls, and four voice mails. She contemplated on if she was going to listen to them all, but instead she called Kagome, she needed to talk to her. She dialed her best friends phone number, and she listened to it ring, then she answered it, Sango smiled like never before.

"What happened to you? Miroku has called me saying he hasn't been able to get a hold of you, he doesn't know where you are, and he is worried sick," Kagome said, almost yelling at Sango.

Sango let out a deep breathe and started to tell her friend about what was going on, and in the end Kagome just chuckled.

"I knew you would end up doing something like this, didn't I predict it when we were still in high school?" Sango started to laugh, and her friend was right. She started to remember all the things her friend and her predicted back then, and a lot of them had came true.

Sango and Kagome stayed on the phone for about a half hour, until Sango had an incoming call from Miroku. She hung up on her friend, and turned off her phone. She couldn't talk to him, because she was a horrible liar, and she would end up slipping and telling him her location. She called Inuyasha from the rooms telephone, and found where she was going and when. She was excited, because right before he hung up, he said it was a date, and she felt weird.

She sat on her little sofa that sat in her room, and she stared out the window. She was on the third floor, and she didn't know what to do with herself. She should just stay there and relax, enjoy her time away, but at the same time she just needed to get away, not be able to think about anything.

She got up from her sofa, and put on her two piece bathing suit. She decided she would go downstairs and go swimming in the indoor pool. She went downstairs, and swam a few laps. Feeling refreshed she lied on a tanning chair. She wondered why there would be tanning chairs inside a indoor swimming pool, but she wasn't going to even ask.

She then saw a couple and their two kids come inside. She smiled as she watched the kids splash, and the couple just sit there in awe. That was what Sango wanted more then anything; a real family. She wanted to be able to come home to a loving husband and little ones running around the house. She knew that she would probably never have that if she stayed with Miroku. He was to busy living his own life, and he didn't have enough responsibility for kids, yet that was all that he was trying to do lately. Was trying to get her pregnant, he thought if he did, that would make Sango stay.

Sango despised her relationship more then anything, and she never had the guts to ever do anything about it. She had every opportunity to tell Miroku how she felt, she had so many of them to tell Inuyasha the truth, yet she couldn't. She didn't have enough guts, she didn't have any courage at all. But the more she thought about it, she realized it had always been hard for her to say what was going on, or how she felt. She decided that she needed to get over it, and she was going to tell him tonight.

She went back to her room, deciding she needed to take another shower since her hair and body smelt like the pool water, and it was disgusting. She just laughed, and realized she didn't know what she was going to wear, but she was going to decide on that when she got out of the shower. She got in and got out, not trying to make herself completely clean, but just making sure the smell was gone. Getting she dried off her body and put her hair in a towel once again, leaving the bathroom and going inside the bedroom, trying to figure out something to wear. Looking through her small wardrobe in her suitcase she decided to wear her little black dress. It could be used for either clubbing, going on romantic dinners, or just a night with the girls, it was perfect for every occasion and that was why she loved it so.

Putting on the dress and letting her hair out of the towel, and it was almost already dried and while she looked at it, she knew that her hair wasn't going to stay straight, it was going to be all nasty and frizzy, so that meant she actually had to do something with it, which she was dreading. She took out her biggest curling iron and plugged it in, she put on some light makeup. She didn't want to over due it because if she did, that would mean that she wasn't content with herself or trying to hide herself, so this was the best way to show that she was perfectly happy with herself, which she was, just wasn't happy in the situation she was in. She frowned, and then realized that the light on the curler went off signaling that I was hot and was able to use for further extant. Fifteen minutes past and all her long hair was not in short bouncy curls. Finishing it off with some hair spray; she smiled at herself. She went back to her suitcase looking for some shoes that she could wear with her outfit and in the very bottom back of it, she found her black pumps, that were completely gorgeous. She put them on and looked in the mirror and hoped that Inuyasha would think she was pretty, maybe even compliment her.

She got inside her vehicle, listening to some music. She had directions to where she was supposed to meet up at. It was Mimi's Café, and she had heard so many wonderful and great stories that have had happened there, and she would hope that she would have a story to tell later on her life that happened there.

She arrived there, and when she got there; there he stood in a button up shirt, slacks on, and a wonderful smile upon his face. When she reached him, he gave her a hug and they walked inside the Café with arms entangled. She just couldn't help but smile, she hadn't been this happy in the longest time ever.

They sat down, waiters came, they ordered food and now they were just waiting for the food to arrive. They sat there in silence, and it would only be broken every once and a while if they looked up at one another, and their eyes would meet, they'd laugh and then they go back to what they were doing. Sango sitting there playing with her hands, while Inuyasha just stared at the floor. Was it that they were uncomfortable with one another or the situation? Sango was about to say something till the waiter arrived with their food. They both ate in silence with the occasional clinking or clanking of the forks upon the plates, and one time Sango even thought about throwing her fork across the room, but that would just be rude, and un lady like, yet she really didn't care.

She stopped eating, acting as if she was full, so Inuyasha would want to leave as well. She just couldn't handle the sound.. They waited ten minutes before the waiter even came back with a check, and the two walked outside. She started to rub her arms, she was freezing, and she wasn't going to say anything. Inuyasha noticed and he started to rub her shoulders and arms as well, and she loved the way that he made her warm. He started to walk over to his car and she followed. He told her to get in and he started his car and turned on the heater. She just laughed.

"I can always get into my own car, and go to my motel and I'll be perfectly fine," Sango said trying not to giggle to much in between the words.

"Nah, your stuck here with me," he said in a seductive tone. She just stared at the ground, not knowing what to do. Then she turned to him, making her body face his, ready to tell him everything, but things were interrupted. His lips were upon her forcefully, his hand behind her neck pulling her closer to her. At first she didn't know what was even going on, not able to comprehend it. She closed her eyes, letting everything go. They parted and Sango blushed wildly and looked in the other direction. She couldn't face him, she still had no idea why he did such a thing. She decided to get out of the car, she heard him calling her name, but she couldn't turn back. She got inside her car, and looked back at him one more time, before taking off, and driving to her motel room.

**Sorry for such a long delay, been busy. Heres the chapter, now i hope to get some reviews.**


	5. Hearts Racing

**Gah, i've been horrible with updating. I'll try for now on. 3 weeks the latest k? I hope you enjoy **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, im to poor and young.**

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**Chapter 5: Hearts Racing**

To walk away from the man that she fell in love with so long ago was terribly hard. To try not to show all the feelings she ever had for him was almost impossible to do. What was she doing? This was her chance, a chance for everything to go right, and she just blew it off.

She got inside her room letting all her tears shed, and letting everything go. She knew that it was so wrong what was going on. She knew that she could never hurt Miroku like that. Inuyasha and him were always best friends, could she have possibly messed up everything? She looked at herself contemplating on if she should call Miroku, tell him what had been going on, and go back home. Maybe things weren't ever supposed to happen between her and Inuyasha, maybe she was meant to stay with Miroku.

She walked around her room, still crying, confused like no other. She sat on her bed and just rested her head in her hands. She wanted to just fall off the other side of the planet. She lied back staring at the ceiling till she fell asleep.

She didn't know how long she had slept before she herd a knocking on the door. Nobody knew what hotel she was in, and she was little scared. She went to her door looking in the peep hole, and she saw him, Inuyasha, just standing there. She ran into the bathroom making sure she looked somewhat decent, and came running back out, to open the door. No one was there, was this a trick or a halucination? She was getting ready to close the door, but there his hand flew right in the way, so she was unable to close it. He started to walk towards her, slowly and steadly. She walking backwards somewhat afraid, insecure. Next thing she knew, she was standing against the wall, trying to push harder, but couldn't. He grabbed her neck in and pulled her body towards him, kissing her cherry colored lips. She swayed and kissed him back. Her skin started to crawl, wanting more, not able to hold back the feeling, and deepened the kiss, pushing herself upon him.

He soon picked her up, her legs wrapping around his body, her back pressing against the wall, and his warmth taking hers with his. Kisses becoming ever so more passionate. The feelings spilling outward, the want coming undone. He soon grabbed her all inside his strong arms and moved her to the bed, her lying there, and him on top. The kissing stopped, but Inuyasha was very into the whole act. He started to kiss and nibble on her neck, as Sango was trying to hold back her moans. They were both enjoying it so much, and unwillingly to stop as well. He got down to her full breast, his hands carressing them ever so lightly, she tilted her head back in ecstacy.

They heard a knock on the door, and they both shot straight up, trying to act all innocent and what not. There stood a bell man standing there with his jaw wide opened and staring at the young couple. He informed the two that if they wished to proceed that they must close their door, and then he soon left. Sango and Inuyasha started to giggle at their antics while Sango got up and went to the door closing it quietly. She turned back to Inuyasha, who sat there in all astonishment. She sat on the bed with him, not touching him at all, a few inches away, but still able to feel the want from him, the warmth, the need coming from him. She gave him a quick glanced and then stared at the mirror that stood in front of them. She could see him eyeing her down, undressing her that very moment, with all her clothes still on. She looked at him, and let out a deep sigh.

"Inuyasha, you know this possibly can't go on. I'm sorry" She said, knowing that more then anything she was becoming more of a liar every passing second.

"Sango, I know you so well. Stop trying to resist, and just come back to my place? Check out of this place and you can stay at my house for how ever long it may take. Just trust me okay? If you want it so that you and I don't even touch one another, then fine, so be it. But I don't want you staying here all by yourself with nothing to do. Okay?"

Sango smiled at her friend. She knew that she wouldn't mind him touching her, touching every single inch of her body. For him to be able to kiss, do whatever pleased him, but she needed to stop all of this. She needed to get all these fantasies out of her mind. She did need to go back to her real home, and be with Miroku. The one that she had spent so much time with, some one who she did want to grow old with, just so terrified. She soon got up and started to pack the few things that she took out of her suitcase and put them back inside neatly. She went downstairs with Inuyasha, giving the clerk her room card, and giving him the money for the time that she had barely spent inside her room. She then got inside her car and followed Inuyasha back to his place.

She couldn't believe how much things can change, as in her feelings, as in her everything just ultimately change in a matter of hours. Her whole life was on a thin line at this moment, and she was in a spot that she thought she was unable to get out of. She reached his house, all lights off, and she got out of her vehicle. Inuyasha went to hers and got her items out, and they went inside.

He walked in front of her, turning all the lights on, making it feel more like home. He put her things inside the guest room, as she followed closely behind, he turned back around and they bumped into one another, resulting in her falling down. He bent down, reaching out his hand, and helping her back up. She smiled as she brushed her behind off and made sure that she was okay.

"So no falling asleep on the couch this time okay? When you get tired, just come in here and sleep." Inuyasha said with a wink and a glint in his eye. She knew that he wanted more, but she just wasn't going to give it up to him, and if she was, not quite yet.

He left the room, not looking back and closing the door behind him. He wanted to make sure that she knew that she had enough space, and he wasn't going to be around all the time. Not being up her butt, and suffocating.

She started to unpack some of her belongings. She didn't know how long she was going to stay, but she did know that she need to leave in a few days, or needed to contact some people, so that Miroku wouldn't go crazy. She looked at her cell phone. She didn't want to turn it on still. She then thought to herself, how did Inuyasha find out where she was staying? Did he really follow her? What are his true intentions behind all of this.

She soon, decided to get into some more comfortable clothes, for it was getting really late and it was almost time for her to go to sleep. After slipping on some pajamas she got out a pen and paper. She needed to write, and she had left her diary at home, so it was time to vent in the only possible way she knew anymore.

_Dear Diary,_

_Wow, I laugh and morn at the events that have occured in such a short amount of time. Im so confused within myself. I don't know if I should just run away to a deserted place, a place where no one knows me. Or if I should just confront everyone. Yet I don't know what to say or do if I dd decide to confront everyone. My mind and my heart are battling one another, battling within my very soul. I'm trapped within myself, gosh, I think I just might be going mad. I need to figure out which is right. To do what my heart says, and let myself be with Inuyasha, let myself be in complete lust, and able to live happily ever after, yet breaking Miroku's heart in the proccess and giving up all my other dreams._

_I could also do what my mind is saying and do the logical thing and just stay with Miroku. I know what is expected if I stay with him, I know my future, and that is with him. No surprises, everything is planned out. I would be able to have everything and anything except the one thing that I am still missing, and that's love._

_What's right and what's wrong anymore? I feel like a little child, unable to make up her mind on if she was a regular barbie or the high style one. Wow, I guess I need to grow up, need to get to some kind of conclusion. I need a stable ground before I fall apart, I need something._

Before she knew it, she had fallen asleep once again. She was becoming acustemed to falling asleep at random moments, and times. Inuyasha peeked inside her bedroom, since the light was still on. He quietly laughed at her, as he took the pen and paper out of her hand, he started to read it. Then he lied it on the dresser next to her bed, and tucked her in. Gave her a kiss on her lips, then while turning off the lights left the bedroom.

He had always known that she felt that way, but now the thing was, how could he make her stay...

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**Review please 3**


	6. His Eyes

**So I said that i would update sooner, i lied but i finally am**

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**Chapter 6: His Eyes**

She woke early, looking around. She sat up quickly looking around, she had fallen asleep with her the paper, and yet it was sitting there next to her on the dresser. Did she put it there perhaps or did he come in and do it? If he did that mean that he had read it. Many thoughts raced through her mind, she was scared. Now he really knew how she felt about him. Oh well, she then saw another note right next to her piece of paper. It was a note from him, saying that around six he would be home, and to be dressed nicely. She giggled, she found it to be cute.

She rampaged through his house. Jumping on the furniture, eating whatever she pleased, and just laughed the entire day. Pumping music threw the loud speakers. She was pretty surprised that the neighbors hadn't called the police for noise pollution. She wanted to have a blast before she had to become all serious when Inuyasha came back home. Sometimes she just wanted to be a little kid, to bad that she had to grow up.

She went back into her bedroom, deciding that she would turn on her phone. She had twenty two voice messages, and eleven text messages. She roamed through the texts, and majority of them were of course from Miroku. All asking where she was, if she was ignoring him or not, about how he was worried and that sort. She knew that she wasn't going to want to listen to all the voice messages. Deciding this she was about to turn off her phone, but then an incoming call was received. She answered her phone, without looking at who it was from.

"Hello?"

"Hello, why haven't you answered your phone?," The person on the line asked.

"I'm sorry Miroku, I've been busy with work and what not. I'll talk to you in a couple of days when I get home okay?"

"No, I want you to come home right this moment. Lets go. I've been sitting here not knowing what to do. I get on the phone with you and you tell me you can't talk. This is complete bullshit Sango, I want you home at least by tomorrow."

Sango sighed, she didn't know if she should actually do it. She was scared that he would do something stupid, and try to kill somebody if she didn't come home. She needed to.

"Fine Miroku, I'll be home by tomorrow evening by the latest. I have a few more things I need to do before I come home."

"Good, I love you baby, be safe," He said in such a soft tone. It was fake, because he was outraged.

"Yeah, bye hun." Sango said, then hanging up the phone as quick as possible. Before anybody could even attempt to reach her again, she turned off her phone.

She was so angry that he would go off and go to such great lengths just to get her to come home. Why did it matter so much if she came home? She was safe right? Isn't that all he should care about. She was angry, and frustrated. He had already ruined her entire day with only a few words that didn't really make much sense to her all at the same time. She just wanted to cry her eyes out, but she didn't have time for that. She needed to get ready, but she wanted to watch some television before anything. She didn't want to leave, she didn't want to leave before she told Inuyasha how she truly felt, but was it going to be impossible if she was leaving in the morning. Or did that mean that she needed to tell him everything tonight. No, this was supposed to be something special from him, why would she ruin it by saying absurd things and ruining the entire evening. She was just going to let things go with the flow as things were intended, and leave in the morning, having a note left for him, explaining all the rest of the events.

She started to get ready, taking her shower, blow drying her hair, putting a little bit of makeup and at last she put on some clothes. She looked at herself in the mirror pleased with her results. She looked at the remaining time, not much left. She did a few more things, putting in a little clip in her hair. Putting on a bracelet and a necklace as well as putting on some nice shoes that went with her attire.

She heard Inuyasha pulling into the drive way. Her heart started to beat ever so fast, she was excited, she knew that tonight was going to be an amazing night. She went to the door opening it for him, but soon saw that he was trying to get something out of his vehicle. Then he rose his head above, and pulled out a bouquet of flowers. She blushed wildly, as she received the item, and he kissed her cheek softly, leaving his sent behind. She smiled and said warm thanks, unknowing what tonight was going to be like, for something changed inside him. She saw sparks inside his eyes, a glow burning deep within.

After putting the flowers inside a vase with water they soon decided it was time to leave. Inuyasha saying that they had reservations some place, and that they needed to be there on time, or they wouldn't be able to get in, she guessed that he must have had to pull a lot of strings, call a lot of people, and pay a little bit of money to be able to go where ever they were going.

They drove for a while, until they reached a hotel. She thought he was crazy, bringing her to a place like this. She got out, and soon realized that on the top floor there was a revolving restaurant that shows off the city. A simple little salad could possibly cost twenty dollars, and deep down she felt sorry. She didn't want him to go off and spend all this money on her. She hesitated about going inside, till he grabbed her hand, leading her towards the door.

They reached the top floor, and her ankles started to crumble, the more they reached the side window. She was terrified of heights, by a great deal. He had completely forgotten about this, and kept on trying to get her closer, so she could see everything. She gave an awkward smile and sat down, trying not to look outside, and he stared out her.

"What is the matter?" He asked.

"You don't remember. Gosh, Inuyasha, that's real nice. I don't like heights. I don't like them so much to the point that I would kill myself if I got any taller."

He just laughed at her comment, and then looked down at the menu. She stuck her tongue out at him, and right at that moment he looked up and started to laugh. She quickly put her tongue back inside her mouth, she couldn't believe she had just done that. She acted as if the menu was interesting, but it was just so she would stop staring at him, he looked so amazing, and there was something going on, but she had no idea. They ordered their food, and sat there talking about random objects, and football, one of Inuyasha's favorite things in life.

They ate their food quickly then it was time to leave, Sango was becoming sad, the night was almost over and she knew that she would be having to get ready to leave soon. He knew that there was something wrong, asking her many times what was on her mind, and her saying nothing every single time as well. They went back to his house, nothing amazing, nothing interesting, nothing new. Sango was disappointed, she thought that it was going to be different, she thought that there was going to be something amazing compared to an every single day thing.

They sat on the couch, sitting in different cushions from one another, and just sat there. She started to frown once again, and he got closer. He brushed his hand on her cheek, a tear rolled down her face, she couldn't hold it back anymore, she was terribly sad, she wanted to just die right there and then.

She opened her mouth, getting ready to let everything spill out, letting him know everything and he put his finger across it, making her stop.

"Sango, I know how you feel about me. To be honest, I've always felt the same exact way." She looked at him indifferently.

"You read it didn't you?"

He took a hold of her hand, and looking into her eyes, not losing eye contact at all.

"Yes, but I've always known. You've always given so many signals without you even knowing it. Sango, I love you." And without a another second in time, his lips were upon hers, passionate then ever, and they released. Tears ran down her face freely, she was truly happy but so sad all at the same. He confessed it, she didn't, she did, but not in having to say it aloud, she wasn't rejected, he wanted her, yet she had to leave in the morning, how was she going to explain it.

"This might sound strange but will you sleep with me?"

Sango's jaw dropped wide open, so that's what he meant as in that he loved her. He just wanted to get into her pants, wanted to get something that he has never been able to have. She couldn't believe him, bringing up her hand, getting ready to slap him, he grabbed it, holding it tightly.

"Not like that at all Sango, I meant would you sleep in the same bed as me. I've had plenty of girlfriends, I've had plenty of hook ups, but I've never had a girl just sleep in the same bed with me without doing anything. I would really appreciate it if you did this for me."

She soon smiled once again. She needed to stop jumping to conclusions so quickly, she then stood up, looking at him in the eyes still. She now knew what was inside his eyes, and it was love, something that she had always seen, but hadn't known what it was. She had never seen him give another girl the same looks, the same smiles, the same body gestures, except for her. She had always thought it was because of how close they were, how they were best friends, and they knew everything about one another. Now she knew the truth, what she had always wanted to know, something that, she would never forget.

She grabbed his hand, and she led him inside his room. She told him to get into what ever kind of clothing that he would wish to get into bed with and then soon went to her bedroom changing into her own. She walked into him room, seeing him in nothing but his boxers. Looking at his nice carved muscles how they moved and defined his body as he walked around. She blushed, and sat on the bed. He was in the bathroom brushing his teeth, and there she saw on the other side of the room, on the dresser, she saw an old picture of the two of them. It was years since they had truly spent some quality time with one another.

He jumped into the bed, and startled her very much so. She just pushed him, and soon there was a pillow fight, both of them laughing, hitting each other with the pillows. The blankets getting tangled between them, and soon they both fell back onto the bed. Both breathing very hard, they looked at one another, giving a quick kiss. Sango soon rolled over and he wrapped his arms around her. She hadn't such warm contact with someone in such a long time that it felt so right, felt so wonderful that she didn't want it to ever stop.

She could feel him breathing on the back of her neck, making the little hairs stick straight up. She had goose bumps all over, and she was ecstatic, not knowing what to do with herself.

"I have to tell you something now, Inuyasha"

"What is it?"

"I'm leaving in the morning. Miroku wants me back home. I was just going to leave without you knowing, leaving you a note, and that would have been the end. I didn't expect this at all, I didn't know that you would tell me what you did, it scares me, because its going to hurt so badly to leave you."

"Sango please don't leave me."

Sango rolled over, making it so that she was face to face with him.

"I have to."

"No you don't. We can make this permanent. What if I asked you to marry me?"

"Inuyasha, why are you being so foolish? Are you even sure that you would even want to marry me?"

"I've been thinking about it since day one my dear"

Another tear rolled down her face, she knew she had a tough decision to make.

"Well whatever you decide, I'll always love you Sango, and if your gone in the morning, yes that will be the end, there will be nothing left, except a constant reminder inside my mind that you and I could have had everything. If your still here, in my arms in the morning, well I'll make you my everything, I'll make you the happiest person alive. Good night my dear, and I hope you have a good night rest."

He kissed her once more, before she turned around once again, tears rolling down her face quickly, salty tears that would engrave her heart forever, because now she had to decide between what her mind was saying and what her heart was.

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R&R please 3. 


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